


Drifting Lights

by baekdsooshi, yuanfenbd



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 16:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11902026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekdsooshi/pseuds/baekdsooshi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuanfenbd/pseuds/yuanfenbd
Summary: Librarian Do Kyungsoo and intern Yixing have gotten quite a number of complaints of damaged books. After a bit of detective work, they found one common clue - they’re all missing page 241.





	Drifting Lights

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first EXO fanfic after a long hiatus of writing stories. To the prompter, thank you for the Heartbreak Library prompt! I watched the movie for research and was pleasantly surprised to find the lovely Lee Dong Wook starring in it. I know it’s not perfect, but I hope you like it. This is for you.
> 
>  
> 
> (edited on 9/25/17, crossposted on AFF)

*

 

1

 

_Stories were always looking for a way to be told, to be brought to life through books and reading. That was how they crossed over from their world into ou-_

“Excuse me, Mr. Do? This book is damaged. Do you have another copy of it?”

It’s the third time this week.

The librarian set aside his current read and took the book from the student. “Okay, mister…” he searched for the last name on the checkout card. “Minseok. What seems to be the problem?”

“It’s missing a page. I just found out yesterday because it was close to the end.” Minseok fixed his glasses, nervous. “I hope you don’t think it’s me, sir. I’ve borrowed a lot of books here over the years.”

Well, at least it’s just one page. 

Kyungsoo smiled. “Of course not. And yes, I remember you, sir.” He started typing on the computer. “Let me just-“ After a few keystrokes, he grinned. Great! There’s one more copy. Minseok is actually close to getting a PhD, so the librarian is happy that he could help in his own little way. 

Speaking of help. He looked around to see if anyone else is within the area. No one yet at this time of day. “Xing-gē!”

A head popped out from one of the aisles. “Ye?”

“Can you help Mr. Minseok find a copy of _Walking the Tiger_ by Peter Levine?” He handed a note to the intern. “And let me know if you find more damaged books too. Thanks.”

Yixing gave a small salute to Kyungsoo, making him smile. After thanking Mr. Do, the doctoral candidate was whisked away by the arm and was led to the psychology section by one of the softest humans that Minseok has ever met.

“I remember you! You’re always sitting with that loud whiny guy? I think he’s in my communications class and thought he was Chinese too. Cute smile...”

Kyungsoo can see a hint of pink in Minseok’s ears before the two disappeared. And after some time of no one else asking for his help, the librarian sat down again, fully intent on continuing the novel he’s reading. Now where was he again? Ah.

_The stories were always looking for a way to be told, to be brought to life through books and reading. That was how they crossed over from their world into ours. They wanted us to give them life._

He put his book back down and made eyes at the damaged one he just got, along with the others just a few inches away from him. A report has to be done to find replacements so he might as well start now, give these books some life again.

After the twelfth one, Kyungsoo noticed something odd. All the books he’s reported are missing the same page. Going through them again, that’s the only thing they have in common. Different authors, genres, year of publication. Nothing.

Maybe it’s a coincidence?

He capped his pen and frowned.

Kyungsoo doesn’t believe in coincidences.

 

*

4

 

“What’s with page 241?” Yixing huffed. This is the tenth book with the same missing page from his pile, and adding to Kyungsoo’s thirty-five, this situation is becoming a… a dilemma! Yeah. And there are probably more. How could they have missed this? There’s a book monster out there destroying precious material that anyone can borrow for free! It’s been going on for a while now too. Well no more. Not on his watch.

Kyungsoo pursed his lips, not knowing the answer either. “Maybe whoever did this has some sort of OCD?” He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling an oncoming headache. And no wonder, it’s almost eight at night. “Hyung, you should leave for your language class now.”

There’s still so much to do and it made the intern hesitate. “I still have a few minutes.”

The librarian grinned. “It’s okay. I can handle this.” He stood up and grabbed the purple backpack on the table. “Don’t worry, Suho hyung will be here soon to help me. And I have plenty of things for you to do tomorrow. Like dusting the top of the shelves. All one hundred and fifty of them.”

“Aiya!” Yixing made the chair screech. He took his bag from the meanie and turned to leave. He turned off most of the lights on his way out, mumbling, “Just because you can’t reach it yourself…”

The other man just smirked. “Don’t make me force you to clean under the tables too, hyung.”

When silence was his only company left, Kyungsoo started to organize the books into a box. There’s quite a lot that to be replaced now. Once done, he figured he can continue with the novel he’s reading or work on his own little work in progress.

This job was meant to help him do research for his first book. So far, it’s been great. And after two years, Kyungsoo is almost finished. He decided to pick up pen and paper to let the words flow out of him.

For a while, it was just him, scribbling, and the occasional tick tock of the clock when he paused. But when his stomach started growling, he wondered where Suho was. His boss usually brought food and coffee so Kyungsoo could eat before going home, and it’s one of the many reasons Kyungsoo hasn’t left this part-time job. Is it still part-time after two years?

The clock on the wall points to half past nine. “He’s late.”

Shuffling from one of the book aisles caught his attention. Maybe he just missed the boss from being too into his work? Closing his notebook, Kyungsoo stood up to find his other hyung.

The sound was becoming louder from the mystery and thriller section. An evil thought came to him. Where better to welcome his boss?

Careful not to disturb the guy, Kyungsoo sneaked past him from the next aisle. Inching closer for maximum spook factor, he raised his arms, filled his lungs, ready to shout in three… two… 

“You’re not Suho.”

The shadow bumped into the heavy shelf, books toppling over. Eyes pierced him and he wanted to disappear. With the librarian seeing the ripped pages in his hands, he made a run for it.

“Yah!” Kyungsoo stepped over several paperbacks, trying to run after the vandal but his foot was caught on those scattered on the floor.

By the exit, Suho saw a crazed man running towards him. He stepped aside to avoid spilling the treats in his arms, but before he could get out of earshot, Suho waved to the man with a bright smile. “Thank you for coming to the library! We hope to see you again soon.”

Across the street, the man turned to look at the person who’s seen him, checking if a security guard was following him. Then he took off.

Not a beat after, Kyungsoo ran to Suho. “Why’d you let him go?!”

Suho’s forehead creased. “I figured he was a student cramming for a test.” The wheezing sound from the other man was worrying. “Do we have some sort of marathon event that I don’t know about?”

Ignoring the comment, Kyungsoo took the food from his boss to his work station. “That guy was the one ripping all the pages from our books.”

At this, the other man made a face. “That was him?!”

From the way his boss had gone quiet, Kyungsoo can see him already planning their next move. They started to eat, coming up with a trap. “Think the security cams got a good look at his face?”

Looking at the dimmed lights and dark corners, Suho wasn’t sure. “Tsk. If he’s done this a lot before, he probably knew where to hide. But it wouldn’t hurt to check.”

They quickly finished their meal. From Suho’s office, they watched videos of the last couple of hours. But as suspected, the guy was hiding from the light. They saw a glimpse of him from one of the corners, but they weren’t sure if it was the same person.

“Aissh.” Kyungsoo bit his lip, frustrated. It’s almost past eleven and they’re nowhere closer to solving the problem. “How are we supposed to catch someone like him?”

Suho tapped his cheek. “I can sort of remember his face.”

Just then, Kyungsoo’s phone dinged. The screen showed a message from Yixing. Suddenly, he smiled. “I have an idea.”

 

*

 

Yixing opened his arms. “Everyone this is my roommate, Yifan.”

Suho quirked a brow at Kyungsoo. “What was your idea again?”

“Yixing hyung mentioned an art major friend. I figured he can help sketch the vandal’s face.” He walked over to Yifan and offered a hand. “Thank you for agreeing to do this, Mr. Yifan.”

Yifan shook hands with the librarian. “Call me Kris.” He set down his sketchbook and pencils on the nearest table. “Yixing said you want me to make posters? I’m not sure if I’m the right guy, though.”

Ah, the insecurities of an artist. Kyungsoo knows it well. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine, Kris hyung.” He offered a seat to the student and motioned Suho over. “Now boss, describe enemy number one.”

Suho sat across Kris, a hand rubbing his chin as he tried to remember the night before. “It was all a blur, so forgive me for being slow in giving details.”

Kris nodded, sharpening a pencil. “The important features are the eyes and nose, so we’ll start with that.” Having three people watch his every movement was a bit unnerving, especially with Yixing and the owl-eyed librarian staring giddily at him.

“Well,” Suho pursed his lips. “His eyes are almond shaped, kind of droopy, and son the smaller or thin side? A bit far apart from each other. His nose is long, round at the end but not thick.”

The art student was nodding along, sketching as best and as fast as he could. “What about the rest of his face? Hair? Anything else you remember?”

Suho continued. “His lips were also thin, frowning because he was being chased, but somewhat bow-like, I think. Sharp jaw. And he has messy black hair with round ears sticking out.”

Knowing the final sketch would take a while, Kyungsoo went out to get coffee at the request of his boss. But when he came back, Suho was not pleased. “I only asked you to buy coffee and snacks. I did not say to bring in a hurricane of annoyance.”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Sehunnie offered everything for free. Was I going to refuse? It’s less risk of me spilling everything, plus you save a couple of won too.”

Suho crossed his arms, cheeks puffing. “I don’t need Mr. Oh’s charity. I can pay.”

Sehun grinned. “Oh, I know. Think of this as me trying to get on your good side.” He gave out the coffee to Yixing, the guy sketching on paper with his thick brows furrowed, and Suho. “Here. Americano, iced. So you can sip it while I try to convince you why adding a coffee corner in this library is like milk tea and tapioca bubbles – a match made in heaven.”

They proceeded to argue in whispers, they’re still in the library after all. Some students are still coming and going at this late hour, and Suho doesn’t want to distract Yixing’s friend.

After half an hour or so, the three library people and one coffee beanstalk waited patiently for the artist to finish. Kris blew off pencil dust and wiped the paper before making eye contact with the others. “Now, I don’t know if this will help but-“

Suho waved him off. “I’m sure you did well, Kris. Now show us so we can put up posters around the university.” He added a smile for good measure.

But that smile quickly fell off his face when they all saw what the art major has done.

“Well, what do you think?” Kris glanced at his work once more.

“Ya, gēge. What _is_ that?” Yixing looked confused. “It doesn’t even look human!” He grabbed the sketchpad and stared at the random lines, squares, and are those two dots supposed to be eyes?

Kyungsoo sighed as he rubbed his forehead. “What’s your art specialty again, hyung?”

“Abstract expressionism.” Kris beamed. It’s one of his best works if you ask him. “I told you I wasn’t the right guy for this.” He takes a sip of the coffee left for him. When the others still gave him murder eyes, the artist sighed, disappointed how his work is underappreciated again. He gestured towards the sketchbook still held by his roommate. “Flip it. I also drew a normal version.”

Yixing did just that and they met cold, sad eyes.

The librarian took hold of the sketchbook and shared a look with Suho. “It’s him.” Behind his boss, Sehun hummed, seemingly impressed. “He’s cute.”

Suho slapped the younger man away from him. “Shh!!! No talking in the library.” When Sehun just blinked back, Suho rolled his eyes. “Get out. You’re no help. Shoo, Oh!”

Being pushed out of the door, Sehun signaled Kyungsoo and Yixing. “Give me a few copies of that. I’ll hang them up in my cafés, see if anyone recognizes hi- hey!” Was that a pinch? That freaking hurt. “This isn’t over, Jun- OW!”

Sehun rubbed his nose and glared at the door. Just on the other side, Suho has both palms resting on it, determined to block any attempts of the tall blonde freak to come back in. “Thank you for coming to the library! We hope to never see you again. We don’t need you.”

Yixing laughed, in silence of course because he knows where they are, but he does wonder. “Suho, why do you hate the coffee guy again?”

When he was sure that said coffee guy has left, Suho composed himself and turned around. “A year ago, he told me he wants to put up a coffee corner here. I told him no, and he’s been pestering me ever since.”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow. “Is that what he wants? I thought-“

“Yes, yes, that’s what he wants. Now where were we?” Suho motioned for the sketchbook. “I can look over pictures of library members. But Oh’s idea wasn’t bad. Let’s make copies of this sketch and put them up around the area too. See if we can at least scare the guy into staying away from our books.”

The librarian held up the sketch again as he went to the copy machine. “Who _are_ you…?”

_What’s your story?_

 

*

10

 

Everything was normal for the next two weeks. People of all ages have come by to read, study, borrow or return library items. No new damaged books reported either. 

Kyungsoo’s written plenty for the collection of stories he’s working on and even breezed through a couple of chapters of the book he’s reading. But while Suho and Yixing felt relieved, he couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling in the back of his head.

Yixing came back with a cart full of returned and misplaced books. “No sign of the mysterious monster today too. Maybe your famous glare scared him off that night!”

The librarian smirked, quite proud. “Maybe.” He stood up and stretched. “You can leave early today too and prep for your upcoming exams, hyung. We can sort out those books later.” Kyungsoo handed the student some café coupons that Sehun has given them for the week. “Don’t forget to eat too and get plenty of rest.”

Yixing really wanted to give the other man a hug for being such a big softie, but he wasn’t up to getting a headlock today. So he just gave his signature salute before grabbing his purple backpack. “Thank you, dìdi.” And with that, he was off.

After making sure that he can investigate the library’s current mystery without being bothered, Kyungsoo went through the list of books missing page 241, wanting to figure out the man who tore them away.

With all these questions in his head, he needed to find answers. A large part of the search is because Kyungsoo feels like it’s his duty to guard all the words written by great people before him. But there’s also a small part of him that wants to know the mysterious man’s reason for doing this. Others call it curiosity, Kyungsoo thinks it good writing material.

Thumbing through the list, he sees a couple of famous titles. The _Harry Potter_ series and _The Little Prince_ paints a man with childlike qualities, someone happy-go-lucky and filled with wonder. 

Kyungsoo recalled the crazed eyes that pierced his – desperate, confused, angry, and hurt. Something in him stirred at the memory.

He eyed more books, visited them one by one on the shelves. _The Vegetarian_ by Han Kang is also a popular choice, where the heroine’s decision sets off a series of unsettling events.

Now that makes more sense. The man looked lost.

 _The Devotion of Suspect X_ makes Kyungsoo think the guy’s blessed with wit, but stories of afterlife like _Les Thanatonautes_ colors the man as sorrowful.

Maybe he’s lost because of loss?

But then there are curve ball titles like _Beethoven’s Letters_ and the medical book _Fragile Lives._

Only a few rays of light peeked through the window blinds by the time Kyungsoo was finished with the search. It felt like he’s added more depth to the man whose face was spread throughout the library.

But he needed to know more.

Sure, he also had to catch the vandal for all the damage he’s caused, but the writer in him wanted the truth.

Kyungsoo could really use this man’s story for. It feels like the ending he needs. Just thinking about it had him grinning.

“What are you smiling about? Funny book?” Suho asked him.

“Nothing. Just found my next character.” Kyungsoo shrugged and placed the book back in its place. From the corner of his eye, and with the smell of coffee in the air, he sees the café owner heading straight for them. “Ah, your lover’s here. He’s quite punctual.”

Suho made a face and crossed his arms. “If you need me, I’ll be hiding in one of the meeting rooms.”

The librarian shook his head. “You know, a coffee corner in here wouldn’t be so bad. Could bring in more people and extra cash.”

“I don’t need his money.” He glared at Sehun before rushing off somewhere.

By the time the tall man reached Kyungsoo, Suho’s nowhere to be seen. Sehun handed him a fresh cup of coffee with a smile. “I still don’t know why he ignores me. Your boss won’t even hear my proposal. I would’ve given up a long time ago if I didn’t think this would be great for business. Him being cute when he puffs those cheeks really helps too.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I think that’s why. You’re kind of mixing business with pleasure a little too much.” He takes a sip of the coffee. Mmm. Vivi Café really knows their stuff. Maybe he can help make this deal happen. “Try turning off the flirt and bring the Oh of CEO to the table.”

Sehun smiled. “So he wants to be dominated, huh.” When the pain of Kyungsoo hitting him got too much, he stopped laughing.

 

*

12

 

It was a lovely spring morning when Yixing and Kyungsoo heard the ripping of pages again. Before the intern ran towards the sound, the librarian held him back by the arm, thinking it could just be a student letting out stress with his notebook. But his heartbeat picked up, getting the same relentless feeling he got when they talked about the vandal.

The two creeped into the aisles, following the sound of paper being torn. Kyungsoo took out his phone, camera ready to catch the guy red-handed. He waited until the man took another book, flipped it to page 241, and started ripping as quietly as he can.

But you know what’s not quiet? The sound of a camera taking photo evidence proof.

The man froze, his eyes darted between two pairs of curious faces and a phone aimed at him. He ran.

“Oh no you don’t.” Kyungsoo whispered as he and Yixing ran after the shadow. They ignored the puzzled looks of people and papers flying all over the place as they tried to catch the criminal.

Yixing used a shortcut to the exit. The man stopped on his tracks when he saw the intern blocking his way, not seeing the librarian that tackled him a second later. “AH!”

Kyungsoo had him on a particularly powerful headlock.

“Yah! I think you broke my nose!” He tapped the man’s arm around his neck. “Let go of-“ It was getting harder to breathe.

“Kyungsoo! Enough!” Suho tried to pull the librarian away.

Before Kyungsoo and the deranged man attacked each other, a security guard held up his palms on both their chests. “Stop. We’ll take this to the admin office and talk like adults.”

“We caught him!” Yixing shouted. He immediately covered his mouth, forgetting for a second where they were.

When everyone was settled in Suho’s office, he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Why are _you_ here?”

Sehun shrugged. “We were in the middle of my coffee corner proposal when the action happened.” He quirked an eyebrow at the man being guarded. Yixing stuffed tissues up the guy’s bleeding nose. Sehun would laugh but the scary looks from Suho and Kyungsoo stopped him. “You’re too well dressed to be some random vandal.”

Yixing pouted as he gave the man an ice pack to help with the bump on his head. “Do you steal clothes too?”

Sehun eyed the guy up and down again in his black Dolce & Gabbana suit, perfectly matching his coal black hair. It was dated, maybe around two years old already, but quite pricey nonetheless. He clapped his hands. “Are you a mafia boss?”

That was the last straw.

Suho smiled at the security guard. “Sir, can you please escort the babbling blonde out? And guard the door. We’ll be fine here.”

The café owner looked shocked. “I’m just trying to help!”

The security guard grabbed said blonde, gently because he liked the man’s coffee and pastries, and led him to the door with a pat on the back. “There, there. Try again tomorrow.”

When silence enveloped the office again, Suho faced the man in question. Kyungsoo’s not going to like what he’ll say next. “We’re not pressing charges.”

“What?!” The librarian shot up from his seat. He glared at the man and his tissue-stuffed nose. “He’s destroyed millions worth of books. Some of them aren’t even on print anymore! How can we not throw him in jail?”

“Well,” Suho eye’s twitched. All he wants is to avoid a lawsuit because he hired a librarian who uses judo headlocks on troublemakers. “Mr. Byun offered to pay for everything.” Huh. Maybe he _is_ in the mafia. Before the librarian explodes again, Suho held up a hand. “He also promised not to rip any of our books and is willing to be on our record to make sure he keeps his end of the deal.”

Kyungsoo huffed and crossed his arms. “What’s up with that, huh? Why’d you do it in the first place?”

Mr. Byun just gave him a funny look.

It honestly ticked him off even more. “So that’s it? We just let the man walk away as we try to replace everything, if it’s even possible, with his money? He’s not even banned from coming here?”

Even Yixing isn’t pleased with how this ended from the look on his face, but there was nothing else they could do. Suho gets the final say. At least they know their books are now safe.

After signing an iron-clad contract whipped up by their boss, Mr. Byun was shown to the exit by security.

When they were a few feet away from the library, the kindly old man handed him his wallet. “You dropped this during that kerfuffle back there, mister…“

“Baekhyun.” His voice was just above a whisper as he took his wallet.

The guard even helped him clean up and fix his wrinkled suit. “You know, I’ve seen you around here a couple of times. I thought you were a walking funeral or something with all the black you’re wearing.”

Wasn’t he?

Baekhyun just gave the man a soft smile, “Thank you for helping me, sir.” He grabbed a couple of won and handed it over. “For all the trouble I caused you too.”

“Don’t worry about it, son. But if you think of ever doing that again, I won’t stop that judo man from finishing the job.” He patted Baekhyun’s shoulder for good measure. “Chin up. Today’s a beautiful day! Enjoy the sunlight and your youth.”

Baekhyun gave a meek nod. “You too, sir. I mean the light. Not that you’re that old or anything.” He huffed. What is wrong with him? “Have a great day, sir.”

After parting ways, Baekhyun walked towards the parking lot, fishing out his car keys. Maybe he shouldn’t drive. It feels like he might’ve gotten a concussion because of the crazy bastard that tackled him. What kind of library was this?

But then again, if Ch-

“Hey, you!”

Baekhyun paused. He turned to see the librarian heading for him and tried not to run on instinct. “Y-Yes?”

Kyungsoo caught up to Mr. Byun and he did his best not to glare. It’s making his eye twitch just being near him. “My boss wanted me to give you these.” He gave the man coupons to Vivi Café. Why Suho has them, he didn’t ask. Or better yet Suho didn’t let him ask. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Baekhyun timidly took the coupons and hid them quickly in his pockets. If the other man saw him trembling, he didn’t let it show. “I’m sorry for what I did.”

It was close to noon, the sun is warm, and the weather is nice. But the person in front of Kyungsoo looked so… cold. With a deep breath, Kyungsoo let go of the anger. He might regret this someday but, “You wanna go grab some coffee?”

Nothing.

“We can use those coupons if you’d like. So we can save your money for the books.”

At this, Kyungsoo saw a shadow of a smile.

 

*

 

Cute welcoming barks rang through the speakers when Kyungsoo and Baekhyun stepped foot at Vivi Café. It was followed by a warm “Welcome!” from Luhan who was making cute animal latte art.

When they sat down, Sehun personally served them coffee and even food on the house. He patted the new guy’s shoulder, “You look like you haven’t eaten since winter.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “You know, I can see why Suho hyung hates you.” He agreed with the younger man. But that was rude.

Sehun just winked and left. He had to attend to other things that are about to brew behind the café counters.

The librarian let the man across from him eat and drink in peace as he sipped from his own cup. Mr. Byun is definitely the muse for his book.

On the other side of the table, Baekhyun felt small from being stared at by one of the biggest pairs of eyes he’s ever seen. But he’s smart enough to know this could be his chance to find what he’s looking for. So he stayed silent and waited for the questions floating between them.

“I’m not sure if you already knew from all your visits, but my name’s Kyungsoo.” He offered his hand, patiently waiting for the other to take it.

He counted to ten before he shook the man’s hand, grateful that his weren’t shaking this time. “Baekhyun.”

Kyungsoo spoke gently, “I would say it’s nice to meet you, but I don’t think you feel the same way.”

A ghost of a smile appeared on the other man’s face again.

“If it’s alright with you, do you mind if I ask you why you’ve been taking one single page from our books?” Kyungsoo has met all kinds of people, and he knew when to be careful. This was one of those times. “No judgement. You have my word.”

For some reason, he believed the man’s promise. Baekhyun looked out of the café window, seeing people walk by, enjoying the warmth outside. “I’m looking for answers.”

Well, that was something at least.

Mr. Byun did look like he’s been searching for a while now. But answers to what - some complicated math question, the way to El Dorado, when the next eclipse will be, the meaning of life?

Kyungsoo needed more. “I understand you can’t Google everything yet. If you’re up for it, we can help you at the library. Come by when you can.”

At this, Baekhyun met his eyes. “Why? I’ve been nothing but trouble to you.”

The librarian shrugged. “If it means keeping you from destroying more books, I’d be happy to help.”

Again, Baekhyun was a smart man. He knew better.

The other man raised an eyebrow at him, making Kyungsoo’s palms sweat. Well, here goes nothing. “And also if you let me write about you.”

Ah. He’s one of _those._ Baekhyun hummed. “As long as I get what I need.”

He figured Kyungsoo must be writing a self-help book or something.

 

*

 

For the first time since they’ve known each other, there was mutual silence between Suho and Sehun. Both were stunned to see Kyungsoo and the man he tackled just a few days ago standing side by side, like no noses bled, headlocks given or anything.

Ignoring the blonde man beside him, Suho squinted his eyes. “You want me to do _what_?”

Kyungsoo smiled. “Search the computer for a name so we can see all the books that the person has checked out.”

Sehun and Suho looked between the two other men. “And the name you want me to find is not Byun Baekhyun?”

“Yes.” Kyungsoo glanced at Baekhyun fidgeting next to him.

Even the blonde café owner looked skeptical. “You’re not stalking this person, are you?”

Baekhyun stared blankly at him. “I’m not the one who comes at the library every day without even checking a single book off the shelves.”

Sehun pouted. “I come here for business, not books.”

Suho smirked. “He’s got a point, though. Can you at least tell me your relation to this person? A colleague, friend, girlfriend?” He opened the library’s search page.

“Boyfriend.” Baekhyun stuffed his hands in his pockets. “…ex-boyfriend?”

Suho quirked a brow. “You sound unsure.”

When the man couldn’t offer any explanation, Suho let it pass. “Name?”

The others didn’t know it, but it has been some time since this one name has left Baekhyun’s lips. Part of him thought that saying it was admitting things are over. He felt defeated. But maybe that’s what he had to do. There’s really nothing left for him to lose anyway.

“Park Chanyeol.”

“Okay, just give me a sec.” Suho typed as calmly as he could, not thinking about how many laws he’s breaking with a few taps on a keyboard and the looming stick man breathing down his neck. “Park, Park, Park, aha! Whoa.”

“What?” Kyungsoo rushed behind the desk and saw the long list of titles under the name of Park Chanyeol. He stared at Baekhyun, wide eyed. “There are almost a thousand books here.”

Baekhyun couldn’t help the small smile from escaping him. “He’s a giant bibliophile.” 

Before the blonde beanstalk blurted something offensive, Suho glared at him. “It means someone who loves books. A bookworm. Not whatever is floating between those ears of yours.”

Sehun looked unimpressed. “I own one of the best coffee chains in the city. I know a lot of words like you do, Mr. Kim.”

Suho just rolled his eyes and printed a copy of Park Chanyeol’s reading list. “Okay, so what were you going to say?”

“I was going to ask how many books he’s gone through so far.” Sehun turned to Baekhyun with a shrug. “I mean, if it’s okay to ask.”

“In this library?” He tapped a finger on his cheek. “Maybe a hundred.”

Kyungsoo wanted to cry. “A hundred?” Those poor books, trees, the autho- wait. “Did you say in _this_ library?”

Baekhyun nodded.

“How many have you been to?” Kyungsoo was afraid to know.

Baekhyun looked away, his hands buried deeper in his pockets. “I stopped counting after fifteen.”

The eyes of all three men started to burn his skin.

Kyungsoo shook his head with a sigh. He may not have finished his book yet, but this pained him so much as both a writer and librarian. “You know all libraries in Seoul have copy machines, right?”

Suho handed him the list of books they found. “I hope you find what you need here.” The man took it, looking like he’s finally gotten a drop of water in the scorching dessert.

Baekhyun tried not to tremble, but he got the feeling what he’s searching for is finally in his hands. His eyes met Kyungsoo’s, a silent thanks in them.

The quiet was broken by a purple backpack that landed on a desk. Yixing yawned, ready to start his afternoon shift. Well, as ready as he can be after a three-hour music theory class.

He sat on his corner of the librarian’s workstation and started to go through Kyungsoo’s to-do list. From the corner of his eye, he saw four men staring at him, including the book monster.

“Do you need to borrow a book?”

 

*

 

Kyungsoo watched as Baekhyun went through the books borrowed by his former flame. The man doesn’t visit every day of the week, probably because of his own job, but each day life was coming back in those eyes. Kyungsoo also noticed how Baekhyun’s fingers weren’t shaking as bad anymore.

Yixing was a big help too, making photocopies of page 241 for the younger man, sometimes even translated Chinese books and explained to Baekhyun a couple of the music books from the list.

But even as they’ve checked almost two hundred and fifty books for three weeks now, the librarian knows Baekhyun won’t finish any time soon. They needed to work after hours too.

Kyungsoo thought it was also a good chance to get to know his muse better, so he proposed they search together at night when fewer people came by.

Baekhyun settled on the desk closest to the other man’s. “Will it be part of your research too?” He got a shrug in return. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

“Of course you do. All humans have free will.” Kyungsoo went back to the novel in his hands, acting as though he didn’t care. “You can either finish that list of yours by the last week of August or we can finish a big chunk of it before May ends. Totally up to you.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, flipping through the pages of a travel book. “No wonder Suho hired you as a librarian. You’re mean.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get us coffee for later, your highness.” Kyungsoo smirked behind the paperback in his hands when the flipping of paper stopped. “We all notice the designer suits you parade around here.”

“Not all of us can wear author’s cover photo sweaters during summer.” Baekhyun chuckled softly when laughter rang through the room.

 

*

 

Cups of coffee, piles of books, papers, and highlighters were littered around them. But even through all the mess, a sliver of hope crossed Baekhyun’s face. After twenty all-nighters straight, he finally saw familiar scribbles on the corners of page 241. 

“Kyungsoo-yah. Look!”

The librarian lifted his head off the table, a sticky note stuck on his forehead. “What?”

Baekyun rushed next to him, removed the hot pink paper from the man’s face, and grinned. “This could be it. It’s Yeol’s handwriting.”

Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes, exhausted. He peered over yet another page 241, reading the black chicken scratch framing the printed text. “Was vandalizing public property one of your favorite things to do as a couple?”

“Ha-ha.” Slender fingers pointed to the handwriting again. “Just read.”

_I want to keep you by my side,_  
So you can’t fly back into the sky.  
Hold you down, keep you with me. 

The librarian scrunched his face. “Sounds like some cheesy pop song. But let me see-” He looked through his own pile of open books and found similar handwriting on _Romeo and Juliet._ Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “Die, bitch. I never wanna see you again.”

Baekhyun was not amused.

“What?” Kyungsoo blinked. “It’s realistic and straight to the point.”

But maybe straight to the point wasn’t the style of a guy who suddenly up and disappeared.

They found a couple more of Chanyeol’s notes, but none came close to what Baekhyun found.

At around three in the morning, Baekhyun saw Kyungsoo curled up on one of the tables, heart-shaped lips slightly parted as he slept. 

Baekhyun took off his jacket and placed it on the librarian’s shoulders.

 

*

21

 

“No action, yet?” Sehun asked, grinning from ear to ear. “I find it hard to believe that it’s been almost three months and nothing’s happened between you two.”

“Did you forget how we met? Tackle. Bloody nose. You getting kicked out by the boss. Again.” Kyungsoo deadpanned. He had a lot of reports to write today for next week’s board meeting. This may be a part time job, but he had bills to pay before his book gets published. “Hasn’t Suho hyung come in yet? I need you to bother him and not me.”

“Don’t play coy with me, Do. A writer like you should know a thing or two about romance.” He let his fingers dance around the boy’s shoulders. “No… spine tingling moments?”

Kyungsoo remembered a soft jacket covering him, a messy mop of black hair rustling next to him in deep slumber, and seeing the sun wake up the rest of the city.

Sehun sighed. “But I guess playing Sherlock to find your muse’s ex is a total boner killer.”

“I am so close to banning you, Oh.” He took another sip of coffee, knowing he can never really keep the blonde away as long as freebies were given.

“Kyungsoo-yah!”

Sehun grinned. “Speak of the cute little devil. Catch you later, stud.”

The rose on Baekhyun’s cheeks almost matched his lips, his chest heaved in excitement (and from all the running he just did). “This is it! I know it!”

He had a ton of things left to do, but seeing the excited look on Baekhyun’s face, like a puppy that successfully fetched a ball for the first time, well the librarian has a few minutes for that. “Alright, hand it over.”

Baekhyun planted the book in front of the librarian’s face. “He wrote lyrics again.”

Kyungsoo quirked an eyebrow. “How are you so sure that they’re lyrics? These look like poetry to me.”

_You’re all I see when I look to the skies_  
City street lights, even if the lights go out  
And the moon disappears, it’s bright because  
I have a star that fell from the skies. 

High school literary poetry if the writer’s being honest.

The other man just grinned. “Yeol’s a composer. A really good one too.”

Kyungsoo hummed. “If you say so.” He peeked up from behind the book into Baekhyun’s almost crescent eyes, barely open from smiling so much. “Why do you think this is the page you’re looking for? And you can’t just say you just know.”

Baekhyun pouted. So much for believing in love. Maybe Kyungsoo is one of those writers who don’t believe in happy endings. “It’s similar to what he said to me before we became official.”

Official? This is so totally high school. The younger man tried not to groan. “When was this?”

Baekhyun counted with his fingers. It’s been a while. “Uhhh. Almost ten years ago?”

It’s a rare moment to see a shocked Kyungsoo. “Wow.”

“High school sweethearts, made it through college, almost made it through my time in med school.” Baekhyun sighed.

Two rare moments. “You’re a doctor?”

“Not yet. I still need a few more years to get the title and license I want, but way before you finish writing your little book.” 

Kyungsoo made a face. Smug bastard. “Never mind that. If you’re sure this is the note he left, how are you going to find him?”

Baekhyun stared back at the writing on page 241, tracing his fingers on the dried ink. He then shut the book close with determination and showed Kyungsoo the cover. “Namsan Tower, also known as the place where we locked our love all those years ago on June 14.”

Really, Kyungsoo tried not to gag. But June 14? That’s tomorrow. “And you’re going to meet there?”

Baekhyun nodded, holding the book to his chest. “Yup. June 14, 2:41PM, Namsan.”

“Did you say Namsan?” Yixing appeared from one of the shelves, pushing the cart of books beside his desk. “I miss their tornado potato.”

The doctor-to-be agreed. They were quite good.

“Didi, let’s go tomorrow too! I don’t have a lot of school work yet and that new guy Tao can take over your shift for one day. He can karate chop any noisy people while you’re gone.” 

A baby sheep and a puppy were staring at Kyungsoo expectantly.

Baekhyun clasped his hands together, pleading. “Think of it as research. With all you can eat tornado potatoes. My treat.”

Kyungsoo shooed them away, getting back to his report. “Fine. Research.”

Yixing clapped. “Yay! I’ll check if Suho wants to come. And I think Lu-gē hasn’t seen the tower yet…” He grabbed his phone and sent messages, pure joy in his eyes.

Damn cute boys tempting the librarian with free food.

 

*

 

In one corner of Namsan park, Kyungsoo watched Yixing and his friend Luhan happily eat tornado potatoes on sticks, Suho was taking pictures of the scenery, and Sehun sneakily took photos of the former.

On the other, Baekhyun smiled to the heavens, enjoying the warmth hugging him. The last time he stepped foot in Namsan was during their 8th anniversary and he just got into the top medical school in Seoul. He remembered Chanyeol spreading his arms wide as they viewed the city, telling Baekhyun how he’s going to save so many lives someday. He wrapped his own arms around the giant and told him how Chanyeol’s music would fill the world with happiness.

That was a great day.

From the way Baekhyun’s eyes lit up just now, Kyungsoo knew that the man was thinking of his former love. So he picked up his pen and wrote.

_He named you a fallen star from up high.  
But how can anyone compare the sun to a fleeting light in the sky?_

When he was done, he read a couple of chapters of the book he brought to pass the time. It was almost two in the afternoon when Yixing tapped his shoulder.

To respect Baekhyun’s privacy, their little group left him alone to wander around the park. But before they could get too far, Kyungsoo snapped a photo of Baekhyun and hoped for the best.

 

*

 

At half past two, Baekhyun has calmed down. Chanyeol did have a habit of being late from time to time. It comes with being the creative type. He gets that.

Around four in the afternoon, he said goodbye to his new friends.

“Why aren’t you going with them?” Baekhyun rubbed his cheeks, trying to get back the warmth in his face.

Kyungsoo handed him a cup of coffee from one of Sehun’s café stalls in the park. With a shrug, he sat down on a bench a few feet away from the other, not wanting this Park person to get the wrong idea and get scared off. “Research.”

Before eight rolled in, the two men sat on the same bench. The librarian let Baekhyun borrow his notes, reading snippets of the book he dreams of writing. It was enough distraction for an hour.

By the time the people around them started to thin out, Kyungsoo received a text from his boss: _If you’re still in Namsan, bring out your umbrellas._

Right on cue, lightning broke the night sky and cold droplets soon followed. Neither men had anything to protect them, but they stayed. They would stay there until someone asked them to leave.

Kyungsoo held his bag tightly in an attempt to protect his things, while the other held onto his knees.

What little light was left in Baekhyun’s eyes were washed away.

He started trembling. From the storm or something else, Baekhyun doesn’t know. Maybe he’ll never know. At least not tonight. “Please don’t write about this.”

Another streak of lightning parted the darkness above them.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. “I won’t.”

 

*

 

The library has gotten too quiet without Baekhyun. Sure, Jongdae’s occasional whines from across the room, Sehun’s daily coffee corner proposals, and Yixing playing guitar when no one else was around were still there. But it wasn’t the same.

It’s been almost a month.

Baekhyun told him he’s just busy with med school and applying for his upcoming hospital residency next year. One more step towards his dream. 

Kyungsoo believed him, knowing the other man needed him to.

 

*

61

 

Baekhyun wasn’t exactly lying to the librarian. June and July passed by in a blur with reviewing for exams, taking those exams, and looking for the best hospitals in the city for his residency in between.

He just didn’t feel the need to mention his therapy sessions from time to time. And why should he? Doctor-patient confidentiality and all that.

But today, his therapist gave him a difficult assignment. “Talk to someone about your problem, Baekhyun. I know it will help you move past this.”

He would rather cut open more bodies in the lab than do that.

Baekhyun knew he’s getting his money’s worth with these sessions because the therapist read his mind. “You’ll never be a heart surgeon if you can’t control your hands.”

At this, he stuffed them back in his pockets. It made his skin crawl how the man before him noted it on his yellow notepad, keeping score of Baekhyun’s defense mechanism.

“Isn’t there anyone you can talk to? Maybe a friend from med school?”

Very much like Baekhyun, most of the med students were up to their eyeballs with work and looked like death half the time. He refused to bother any of them with his issues. So he went with his other defense mechanism – humor. “I can see it now - spill my deepest thoughts to my colleagues and redefine the meaning of Doctors Without Borders.”

When his therapist smiled, Baekhyun took it as a win.

“Is there really no one you can think of that would love to just sit down with you in some quiet corner and listen?”

 

*

 

Baekhyun must admit, he missed the wide open space of the library and the quirky people in it. 

It was easy to spot the librarian behind the counter, typing away on the computer in his fluffy yellow sweater. He’s the spitting image of a children’s book author today. It’s kind of endearing in a way, Kyungsoo looking like he’s ready to make the day brighter.

Deep breaths, Byun.

He walked over to the librarian and placed two familiar cups of coffee on top of the counter. “Excuse me, sir. Have you seen librarian Do? I’m here to help him with some research.”

Without looking away from his work, Kyungsoo bit back. “ _Jokes for Dummies_ are on shelf 14. Do you want one of the interns to assist you? We don’t want you getting lost.”

Baekhyun grinned. “Kyungsoo-yah, you sure you’re not writing a burn book?”

“I didn’t know you were coming today.” Kyungsoo smiled back. When Baekhyun pointed out the hideousness of his egg yolk sweater, he sighed. “Sehun made me wear it. We had a bet that I could finally convince Suho hyung to consider the coffee corner. I obviously lost.”

Baekhyun chuckled softly. “Come find me when you take your break, okay? Tell me what else I missed.”

It took Kyungsoo about fifteen minutes before he sat down across Baekhyun, gladly accepting the free coffee. Hmm. Still warm. Sehun’s café really makes magic.

As they caught up with one another, Kyungsoo didn’t notice the somber look on the other’s face immediately. But when he did, he had a feeling why Baekhyun came to see him again. “I’m listening.”

Baekhyun bit his lip, looked at anywhere but the man waiting for him. Just think of it as research for your friend, Byun.

“My therapist said I may be suffering from PTSD. And all because of a bad breakup.” How ironic. Here he was, studying to become a heart doctor when he can’t fix his own. It makes him sick.

“What do you mean?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened when Baekhyun leaned on the table, trembling hands exposed.

“It started a year after Chanyeol disappeared. The man I thought I was going to spend my life with disappeared with nothing but a note to find some stupid page if I wanted answers. I was losing my mind, asking why and ripping books from all over the city.”

The librarian kept quiet. He thought the shaking was because the older was just filled with emotions or felt uncomfortable around them. Not this.

Baekhyun glared at his tapered fingers. “It was a miracle I didn’t fail out of med school.”

He made fists, but a slight tremor was still there. “Part of me wishes he just cheated on me. That would’ve been less trouble than this.” When the shaking wouldn’t stop, Baekhyun opened his palms and laid them flat on the table. “But who knows. Maybe I do have issues. Maybe he saw it before anyone else did and left so he wouldn’t have to be part of it.”

With every word that came out of Baekhyun’s mouth, the trembling became worse. “It’s like my dream is slipping away from me too.”

Kyungsoo reached across the table and placed his hand on top of the other’s. Because no matter how lost and scared Baekhyun looked like, hope was still there.

He didn’t let go until the shaking stopped.

 

*

88

 

By the time they were almost finished with Park Chanyeol’s list of books, Baekhyun has gotten better. He got residency offers from the top three hospitals in Seoul, there was talk that he would graduate med school with Latin honors if he does well at finals, and his therapist scheduled fewer sessions too.

Quiet laughter made him look up, and he saw Kyungsoo and Yixing happily helping students with their book checkouts. Last he heard, Kyungsoo’s book is almost done now too. He still hasn’t seen his part of the book, but the man promised it was good.

When Kyungsoo caught Baekhyun staring a few tables away, he waved. Yixing gave his signature salute, obviously fond of the other too. But there was a line of students cramming this week so the moment passed quickly.

Kyungsoo didn’t see the list being crumpled away by trembling hands.

 

*

 

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask.” Baekhyun was staring at a poster from the library walls. “Why are there still sketches of my face all over this place? I feel like a wanted man.”

Kyungsoo laughed. “We always showcase the artwork of students. You can keep one if you like.” When Baekhyun plopped down on Yixing’s workstation, the librarian pursed his lips. “It’s late. What are you still doing here? And in the staff area, I might add.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Research.” The other man rolled his big beautiful eyes. He knew the younger would like that.

“No, really. Shouldn’t you be studying or something?” Kyungsoo went back to the book he was still reading since before the two of them met. And it would be easy to finish tonight if he wasn’t being watched like a hawk. Huh. So this is what the people he wrote about must have felt like.

“I was done a while ago. I don’t feel like going home yet, so here I am.”

“Lucky me.”

Baekhyun scooted his chair beside the librarian, peeking over to see the worn out book. Must be Kyungsoo’s favorite. “I still have some free coffee coupons from that blonde man. Maybe we can hang out there before going home.”

“Coupon coffee from the doctor wearing a Prada suit today. Tempting.” When said doctor waved the coupons in his face, Kyungsoo glared. “Almost expired coupons too. Doctor Byun, you certainly know how to woo a man.”

The librarian stood up from his seat. Seeing as his shift was almost over, he wanted to put away the returned books of the day. “Give me a few minutes.”

“Ooh! Can I come? I want to see you in action.”

Kyungsoo checked the spine of the books, arranging them by call number. “Not enough heart-stopping thrills at school for you?” He pushed the cart and headed off to the nearest shelf, doing his best to concentrate with a puppy following him around.

They made small talk, some banter here and there, and Baekhyun helping the younger reach the upper shelves.

Their pace was a lot slower if the librarian did this on his own, but Kyungsoo didn’t mind. He found out Baekhyun became a doctor because he was inspired to help others after seeing his mom change people’s lives as a nurse. 

Baekhyun didn’t mind walking like a grandmother too as they wandered the aisles after hearing the sort of nomadic like that Kyungsoo was living.

Kyungsoo may have laughed more in the last couple of minutes than he did the entire day and Baekhyun was lucky no one was around anymore because his laughter filled the room.

By book forty seven, Baekhyun gave in to curiosity. “So what got you into writing?”

Kyungsoo was facing the shelf, making sure no other book was misplaced before they moved to the next one. “I was never the loud one, and writing makes me feel heard.”

“But you told me you write about other people. Like the fine specimen standing next to you.”

Kyungsoo hummed. “I think other people just have a better spark than I do. Their realities are way more interesting than mine.” Satisfied with the shelf, he started to push the cart again. “I’m a simple man, Byun. No one wants to read about that.”

Baekhyun was stunned. Simple yes, boring no. “Are all you artists so hard on yourself?” The librarian has travelled throughout their country, working all kinds of jobs to mold strangers into stories. No, definitely not boring.

By the time Kyungsoo put away the last book, Baekhyun got unusually quiet. He saw the man staring at all the published work in front of him, anxiously biting his bow lips. 

“What did you write about me?”

He met the other’s eyes, catching the hint of light within them. “Just a short poem. Even shorter than me. And don’t worry, no specific information was mentioned. You’re safe with me.”

Baekhyun chuckled softly. “Can you at least give me a hint?”

It wasn’t fair. The other person had this look on his face that he uses, knowing perfectly well that the librarian couldn’t resist. But what could he say that wouldn’t be considered a spoiler?

Kyungsoo smiled, “It’s my favorite piece.”

In four heartbeats, Baekhyun reached for the other man and found his lips. Not a beat later, Kyungsoo met him halfway.

Calloused hands found rest on Baekhyun’s cheek, asking permission.

Shaking hands followed home to the younger’s neck. He wanted more. His fingers searched, tugging at the hem of the writer’s shirt.

Kyungsoo pulled back, eyes closed and forehead rested on the other’s. “Baekhyun.”

And he heard it. A whisper. A plea. A question.

He discarded Kyungsoo’s shirt, eyes taking in the sight before him, of toned form, gorgeous skin breathtakingly dotted, and a small scar near the center of his chest. Baekhyun was pulled into another heated kiss, shivering when the air ghosted over his flesh followed by a brush of rough hands on his aching buds.

The older didn’t stop trembling. Not when he felt warmth on his length, not when his skin broke with angry red marks, nor when he was filled to the brim over and over again as books toppled around them.

Baekhyun just held on until he saw lights again.

 

*

94

 

Summer has come and gone and Kyungsoo finally found time to finish the book he himself borrowed from the library. He flipped through the pages, enjoying the acoustic music coming from the speakers, knowing it was another original from Yixing hyung.

But all thoughts and sound left him when he turned to page 241.

_I love you with a fire,_  
Ablazing till times end.  
But what good is a heart  
When it shudders to speak. 

_I guess it's too late now._

_~LOEY_

 

*

 

“Are you sure it’s him?” Suho scanned the book, comparing it to the notes they found before. The handwriting was messier. It looked rushed.

Kyungsoo pulled at his hair, refusing to lift his head off the table. “I know it’s him. Flip the name backwards, hyung. It’s him.”

Suho stared at the younger man with pity. He knew something happened between the librarian and aspiring doctor. Baekhyun’s actual face appears more often now than the sketches on the walls. Even Sehun started gossiping about the two during his daily coffee corner proposal. But he didn’t comment on it, because it was still too new.

Just when Kyungsoo thought things couldn’t get any worse, it did.

Yixing tapped him on the shoulder. “Baekhyun mentioned that his ex was studying music, right? I think I’ve heard of him in class.” He showed his didi what he found on the internet. “There’s a popular newbie producer in America by the name Loey, but rumor is he lives here in Korea.”

And save the worst for last.

Sehun quirked a brow at Suho. “I know you don’t advertise it, but doesn’t your father’s law firm work for a big entertainment company in the city?”

So now they found the real page Baekhyun has been searching for and they have a way to possibly find who he’s looking for.

He couldn’t breathe.

This is why Kyungsoo doesn’t believe in coincidence.

 

*

 

Kyungsoo’s days were filled with internal arguments, sleepless nights, and so many revisions of Baekhyun’s part of the book. His notes looked like a black hole with all the ink staining it.

It pained Suho to say it, but someone had to. “You have to tell him.”

“Do I, really?”

Suho patted his shoulder. “You know you do. Don’t ignore him.”

“Can’t I finish writing his story first?”

His boss sighed and shook his head. “You should have told him the second our meeting was done.”

Kyungsoo didn’t look away from his notebook, the messed up pages mocking him.

 

*

99

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t know where to start. How do you give the person you’re falling for a reason not to feel the same way?

The answer – you just do.

“When did you find out?”

The silence stretched on.

They both know any answer would have been too long.

But the writer handed over the book, and Baekhyun saw Chanyeol’s handwriting, clear as day. “How can you keep this from me?”

“I-I just.” He couldn’t stand seeing the other get hurt again. It was too much.

Baekhyun’s hands were shaking. “Were you testing me? Trying to see how I’d react? See if this would be an interesting scene for your audience?”

He grabbed the ruddy notebook between them, tearing it apart. “This is not some sick story to help you finish your fucking book. It’s my life!”

Some prying eyes looked their way but Kyungsoo didn’t stop him.

Every page torn was a rip in his chest, but he didn’t stop him. Baekhyun headed for the exit and he didn’t stop him.

Kyungsoo didn’t know how to start this conversation, but he knew how it ended.

 

*

241

 

Baekhyun completed medical school before he accepted Suho’s information on Loey.

It led him to a modest home in the snowy mountains.

As he stood by the door, he was calm. Not even the slightest shiver from the cold winds got to him.

When it opened, he was met with surprise. “Baek.”

“I found your note.”

Thankfully, Chanyeol let him inside. He wasn’t shivering but anyone would be frozen if they stayed out too long.

For a moment, they just stared at one another. Chanyeol colored his hair again and Baekhyun went back to black. They both grew taller, but while Baekhyun lost a bit of weight because of medical school, the giant grew leaner.

Baekhyun tried not to lose focus as familiar warmth surrounded him. He’s imagined this so many times but they were much closer in his head. There’s too much space between them, but neither of the two minded.

A smile played on Chanyeol’s lips. “I heard you’ve gotten closer to becoming a doctor, Baekhyun. Congrats.”

“We could have celebrated together, including your record deals.” Baekhyun’s eyes roamed the house and saw glittering trophies and framed records in all colors. But it pained him. “Did you leave because I held you back from all this?”

Chanyeol’s eyes softened. “Of course not. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

All those years of Baekhyun helping Chanyeol through college, showing up at gigs no matter what time of day it is, losing sleep when he produced music at night, even missing exams when he needed support during label meetings. “But you wouldn’t be where you are now if I stayed.”

When he saw no resistance from Baekhyun, he wrapped his arms around him. “You were sacrificing too much to support my dream and it was getting in the way of yours. So I left before you could change my mind.”

Chanyeol carved every unspoken word into this one hug, knowing it will be their last. 

No cheating. No big reveal. Just two lovers who became who they wanted to be and just lost each other on their way there.

Baekhyun was okay with that.

 

*

 

Blooming Seoul was here again, and what a perfect day for a fan meeting.

Suho hasn’t seen this long a line in the library since they got copies of The Hunger Games series and that book about tying people up.

Sehun snickered beside him. “Our brand new coffee corner’s a hit. I expected this to happen. Now how about a thank you from the boss?”

Suho pinched the younger’s arm. “If I need to thank anyone, it’s Kyungsoo and his editor Kim Kai who’s too good-looking to be in the publishing industry. His book’s a best seller.”

“And where are they holding the fan signing event again?” The blonde grinned. “In our coffee corner with the adorable Luhan hyung charming the pants off of everyone.”

Suho stormed off, deciding he’d rather much help Yixing and Tao keep the fans in line for author D.O.

Sehun held up his hands with a shout, “You’re still cuter!”

“Shh!!! No talking in the library!” Suho may or may not have used his middle finger to shush the coffee beanstalk.

As the line got shorter and the event started to calm down, Kyungsoo was relieved. His hand was starting to cramp. But he was thankful for the overwhelming reception he’s gotten, because at many points in his life, it felt like he would never get here.

Kai called the next fan over. This one’s a bit too excited for his novice author.

“Jagga-nim, they told us we couldn’t give you food or drinks, so I brought these.” 

Between the pages of his book, Kyungsoo saw expired coupons from Vivi Café.

Big moony eyes met with crescent ones, as beautiful as the other remembered.

“They’re great as bookmarks too.”

Even now, he didn’t know what to say. Good thing his editor tapped the table and kept things rolling. “Uhm. Who do I make this out to?”

“For now, just write our names so I know this page was from you.”

Kyungsoo nodded, hands trembling just a little bit.

When he was done, Baekhyun held the book to his chest. “And then later we can make out in some quiet corner again.” He smiled. “You know. For research.”

 

*

  
For: Baekhyun  
From: Kyungsoo 

_242  
by: D.O._

_You had questions I had no answers to.  
But when you see this, you know I now do._

_I tried turning aloneness into art,  
and in doing so, I broke your heart._

_So I used ink for words I was too tongue-tied to say  
Hoping the light in your eyes returns someday._

 

*


End file.
